Gothenburg Belongs To Me

Blame JJ: One man's plan to find love, meaning and a really cool job in Sweden

Lying on the floor of my apartment, the music of Swedish duo JJ gently washes over my bruised and battered psyche like a cool summer night breeze. Sadly, there are no gauzy pictures of the lovely and cherubic singer Elin Kastlander on either of their two albums covers for me to ogle (I've kindly provided one above). Instead, JJ Nº2 features a blue silk-screened marijuana leaf, splattered with what appears to be blood. There’s also a dreamy, druggy version of Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop,” entitled “Ecstasy,” that I can't stop spinning. Hm.

By the time I get to JJ Nº3 and the opening track “My Life,” (a somber, piano-powered reading of yet another Lil Wayne song), it hits me: I need to move to Sweden.

It’s not just JJ. The city of Gothenburg boasts Air France, who I freaking adore. There’s the Tough Alliance, who also run the Sincerely Yours record label that releases records by all of the above.

JJ and Air France both remind me of all-time favorites Saint Etienne a lot. There’s that subtle blend of pastoral with electronics, which gets me every time. But there’s an especially ethereal mood to the sounds coming out of Gothenburg right now. Something very particular and unique bleeds through all of it. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it has something to do with location (Gothenburg is Sweden’s big college town). It's beautiful, with the Göta älv river running through the middle of it.

The most cursory research on Sweden has turned up all sorts of fun facts. The country was at the forefront of the sexual revolution back in the day, with the term “Swedish Sin” becoming synonymous with free-spirited (hence “perverted”) sex once upon a time.

For fans of the Nordic look, the people are stunningly beautiful. There is lots of blond hair, blue eyes and white teeth running around the place. I’m fully equal opportunity when it comes to pretty women, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit a special fondness for fresh-faced Swedish girls.

And it's not all blonds. There's is diversity in Sweden, too. I hear there's an influx of Middle Eastern people there. And have you ever seen Yukimi Nagano, the singer for Swedish band Little Dragon? Born and raised in Gothenburg, btw. Rawrr X 10000*

There’s a big music festival in Sweden called Hultsfred (named after the city where it’s held). It’s a three-day affair that’s much like Coachella, except instead of being in the deserts of California, it’s on a lake in Sweden. They had some issues last year, due to what was considered a sub-par line-up resulting in poor ticket sales. I’m thinking that I can move to Gothenburg, eventually finding my way to Hultsfred, where I’ll score a job booking for the festival. I will of course wrangle an insane line-up of awesome acts. The rest of the year I can write and travel the country, in an aggressive pursuit of, well, you know, her. Yeah, her.

Anyway, I’ve gotta go renew my passport.

Drömmar slutändan aldrig*

StereoFork's Guide to Dating Musicians.

I was just having an off-the-cuff conversation about musicians and dating with my friend Matt (...from this handsome band). Mostly about how girls generally want to date musicians and then go bat shit crazy when they do. Being a musician myself, I prefer to date musicians because we both like a healthy amount of space and come from the same alien planet.

While chatting, I created a lovely little bullet list for Matt which he agreed with wholeheartedly. So, with his blessing, I present to you...

What happens when most girls date musicians:

1. He's in a band i love him!

2. OMG! He likes me I'm popular! I'm going to be side stage at all his shows!

3. Why are you at the studio all the time???! You never wanna hang out. [Insert sad face]

4. Why are you always on tour? You don't love me! You only want to hang out with the guys! [Insert guilt trip]

5. Are you cheating on me? (If you're really naggy, the answer is probably 'Yes.') Why didn't you answer your phone every hour on the hour for the past ten hours? I sent you 5,348 text messages, didn't you get them?!?!?!?! I thought you loved me!!!!! [Insert passive aggressive Facebook status updates like this]

6. Are you playing Coachella? [Insert strategic re-falling-in-love for festival season]

7. Your publicist is too friendly with you. Why is she so friendly. She needs to step off. I see how she always calls you all, "Oh, what time are you gonna show up for that interview" and stuff. Oh... you've known her since you were 12 and she's like a mom to you? Oh...Well...still.

8. What do you mean I can't come visit on your European tour?

9. (Repeat steps 3-5 100 times.)

10. I hate you bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Insert deleting you from every social network, her changing her hair color and randomly running into you at your next show dressed extra slutty.]

11. OMG! Check out [insert name of new boy] in [new shitty band]. I love him!

Now...

Here's what happens when a musician dates a musician:

(Obvs written from my female perspective. Dudes/gays adjust accordingly)

1. He's in a band I love him!

2. Telecaster? Really? Hmm. I would have gone with Strat but whatever...

3. He better like my songs or forget him.

4. You're in the studio? Cool, I'm recording.

5. You want me to come by the studio? Ok, maybe later when I'm done tracking.

6. Sorry, I can't hang out tonight, I have to go interview Beck. What. He's married, calm down.

7. Nice wall post from your crazy ex. Was she even 18? God.

8. I hate festivals too?! Let's go on a desert road trip and hang out with your stinky friends in that weird band who live in a camper.

10. You're going on tour? Cool, see you in a month.

11. You want me to come to the New York show? Alright, well, you better pay for my flight.

12. Do you have to call me so many times from the road? Yes, I understand you're in the bathroom of a strip club and that the guys dragged you there and you supposedly feel awkward being there but really, you don't have to call me to tell me. (This actually happened to me, no joke. A guy called me drunk from the bathroom of a strip club because he felt guilty his band mates took him there.)

13. Yes, my ex's band is in town but he's just a friend (True. Unless you've been scheisty, then "just a friend" is a term that can operate on a sliding scale.)

14. You want to play a show together? Neat!

15. You want to have a quickie wedding, not change our names and make a band? Sounds good to me.

The. Mother. F*n. End.

*Speaking of married bandmates, if you haven't seen this Arcade Fire performance from a freight elevator, I highly recommend.

** Image above is courtesy of Eevil.org's Break Up Cards. Oh yes, they did.

xo

post by tatiana

Sterefork Innovates New Form Of Journalism. Your Mind = Blown

According to my old comm. theory prof., academic work only counts if you "add to scholarship." That is, find a dinosaur bone, discover DNA is in a double helix... or, in our case, identify a new mode of communication that was previously non-existent.

That's right dear reader, your genius friends at Stereofork aren't simply snark-wielding ninjas - we're also Foucault-reading moffos creating some mind-blowing communication theory. Suck it.

As you may be aware, journalism is stratified into different categories. There's the boring stuff like "Hard News" or "political journalism," the slightly more interesting "photojournalism," the My-Sister-Just-Got-A-Phone-Cam oeuvre known as "citizen journalism" and our favorite, "Gonzo journalism." Pioneered by writer/legend Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo journalism encouraged things like taking copious amounts of drugs, carousing with rock stars and politicians then making up half of what you write later. That, dear friends, is journalism we can stand behind!

But due to the fact that we don't have HST's contacts (both in the celebrity world and drug world), we've decided to innovate a new form of ghetto journalism we call simply: Drunk Journalism.

Drunk Journalism is the brainchild of Stereofork writer Scott who possesses the arcane ability to get completely wasted while reporting on events in 140 characters or less. We know what you're thinking, impossible. But yes, it's true. Pulitzer committee, we're awaiting your call.

This new form of writing ignores journalistic trivialities like "conflict of interest" or "correct grammar" and highlights the beauty of things like caps lock, tacos and virtual booty calling.

So, we now present you, the world's first article identified as "drunk journalism."
A brief offering simply titled "MSO 15 Y PARTY SC0T DRNK," the piece chronicles the goings on at a music publicity firm's 15 year anniversary party with both brevity and panache. Prepare yourself for the best thing to happen to the writing world since Don DeLillo got off anti-depressants.

Scott:
1. drunk. 2. @ the Roxy. 3. MSO 15th yr party. 3. Santino from Project Runway is the coolest dude. EVER. 4. drunk 5. tacos are good. . 9:51 PM Feb 9th
Scott:
was just talking mad shit about Smashing Pumpkins @ MSO party. Turns out Billy Corgan was 5 ft away the whole time. #Whoops. Luv u man! 9:56 PM Feb 9th from txt
Scott:
1. still drunk. 2. billy corgan is tall. 3. girls are awesome. 4. santino is the coolest mofo ever. 5. you should make out with me. a lot. 11:04 PM Feb 9th from txt
Scott:
· really sorry if you got crazy-ass tweets from my phone tonite. just got it back from this weird kid that found it in the bathroom. nuts. 11:10 PM Feb 9th from txt
Scott:
Girl, why you trippin'? 11:58 PM Feb 9th from txt
Scott:
NoNoNoNoNOOOO! GRACE JONES is no longer playing @ Coachella 2010. WHYGODWHY?!?! This seriously sucks BIG TIME. NO Grace?!?! FML!!! BLAAAH! 12:01 AM Feb 10th from txt
Scott:
Oh! My best sighting of the night @ the Roxy: One of my all-time favorite drummers, Mr. CLEM BURKE. That dude is the jam forever. 12:40 AM Feb 10th from txt

Pt. II. Hangover Journalism.

Scott:
had the best time @ the Roxy last night for the MSO party. I heart Alex Greenberg! And Santino Rice is seriously my new hero. So nice! 8:05 AM Feb 10th from txt
Scott:
didnt even say anything mean about the Smashing Pumpkins last night. Just being overly nostalgic for the days of Gish & Siamese Dream. : / 8:17 AM Feb 10th from txt

Stay tuned for future installments... and/or simply follow Scott through the hyper links above.

Sincerely,

the Stereofork Ph.D. committee

Everybody do the Coachella

It's the annual SoCal music nerd ritual: The fine folks of Goldenvoice announce the date they're going to announce the line-up for Coachella, and we all promptly go bat-sh*t crazy. Then once the line-up is actually released, we spend the rest of the time leading up the fest bitching about it. This year looks to be no exception.

With the announcement slated for early this morning (what, you thought I was awake at this ungodly hour for no good reason? You'll get to know me better soon enough), fools started griping via Twitter that the line-up hadn't been leaked Monday evening. All kinds of crazy acts were being bandied about, like David Bowie and the Rolling Stones. Yeah, and I'm going to see Prince play in his basement. Oh wait, that actually happened...

So I dragged my sorry-ass out of bed at 7AM, and just like clockwork, the line-up was announced at 7:15AM.

Now that it's here, well, what? There are plenty of amazing artists on the bill: The return of the Specials(!!!), Fever Ray, Thom Yorke, Detroit techno legend PLASTIKMAN (who's got the blotter?), the XX, Jay-Z, PIL, Devo, GRACE JONES!!, Flying Lotus, Sly & the freaking Family Stone...you get the picture. There literally seems to be something for everyone. That I know, anyway. And I have to wonder what John Waters has planned...

In all, it's a pretty solid line-up. Although it is kind of missing that slam-dunk, FTW artist like Prince, Roger Waters, Daft Punk or Radiohead to really put the whole thing over the top (which is why my hero Bowie would have been PERFECT. Damn it!) Which means it will probably be a little less hectic this year than recent years past, and I'm OK with that. Fewer bodies in the fields means fewer drunken morons to deal with. Yay for that. Then again, when you've got people like RYAN SEACREST Twittering about the line-up (and mentioning Muse, Jay-Z and Tiesto), there's a good chance the polo fields will again be overrun by the great mouth-breathing masses. God bless America!

Maybe this can be the year where I spend more time drinking Bloody Marys by the pool and making out with hot girls I've only just met, you know? Oh, OK. I'm down to make out with girls I already know, too. Life is short, you know? I'm envisioning something along the lines of a Benetton remix of "The Jersey Shore." That would be radd. Let's do this, people. And don't forget the Strawberry Lip Smackers lip gloss. I LOVE that stuff...

We're Back

Hello loyal follower (singular), you may have noticed that Stereofork took a wee break between Nov.2007 and Jan.2010.

During that time, we as a staff (can unpaid bloggers actually be considered a "staff"? oh wait... nevermind) embarked upon a soul-searching trip much like the one described in the Oprah-tastic book Eat, Pray, Love. Except ours was more like Drink, Puke, Cry.

500 pizzas, 400 handles of vodka and 250 awkward morning after glances later, we now feel ready to fork it up once again. Yes, we just adjectived that. And yes, we just adjectived adjective. Maybe you haven't heard of this little thing called "creative license" buddy, it's like grammar on acid. And in case you didn't know, acid is good for you.

We're encouraged to find that since 2007 bad music has continued to propagate, unemployed bearded guys still manage to pull hot chicks in Silver Lake/Brooklyn and arrogant hipster journos still write as if they have more talent than musicians. *Sniffle* Thank you music world, thank you. You're more consistent than our last boyfriend.

So, that's all you need to know. We (Bryan, Ryan, Scott and Tatiana) are back - and we even have a new member: Mark aka Minky A Go Go (see Ellen to your right). He'll introduce himself at some point (I'm predicting some crap about Swedish pop bands).

Long story short:
We're back.
all your dreams = come true.
Thanks.

Reading material: We like this little gem by Ricky Haley on low budg tour managers.

Nobody Fucks With The Jesus

Let me tell you something, pendejo:

Thus far it seems that every lazy hipster is quick to compare The Big Pink to The Jesus and Mary Chain. It is my opinion that the equation is not complete without throwing The Jesus Lizard and Jesus Jones into the mix.

You heard it right here, right now, first.

Lily Allen: More Winehouse than Winehouse.

Think White Zombie with that headline. Um, anyway...









































Lily,

Gratuitous, ham-fisted self-deprecation and aneurysm inducing music aside, maybe you're not that bad after all.

I'm starting to think that you may be that obtrusively annoying theatre geek in high school that I secretly wished would talk to me. Your loss, obviously.


http://idolator.com/tunes/you-might-laugh%2C-you-might-frown/lily-allen-is-feeling-the-weight-of-the-world-on-the-top-of-her-head-273555.php

Hey, Idolator: Speaking of obtrusively annoying... Maybe you should make your URLs a little longer. Fuck's sake.

Apple iPhone now available online!

Click here for details.

Now THIS Is A Reunion

a.) No one is super old
b.) People still care
c.) All the members are back in the band

Fuck yeah.
In a year full of reunions,
the Verve have just nabbed my vote for Best Reunion of the Year.

Sex Toys...Now With Mold!

We're sure the editors at MSNBC weren't thinking about how this story on sex toys going green sounds vaguely mold friendly and icky.

Not to mention the mere existence of a Sexual Health section on MSNBC leads us humble readers to think their Secret Santa parties could be far more kinky than we would have liked to imagine! In fact, we previously assumed that MSNBC writers had the same reproductive characteristics as encephalopods, but still...yeah...

I don't want my sex toys going green on me. Ew.
Then again, I don' t have any.
I'm waiting 'til marriage and don't you tell my mama no different!

WWJD POR VIDA!

She Builds Quick Machines, Velvet Revolver make shitty music.

Are you guys serious? Really? God, the fucking Donnas rock harder than you. Think about that in the grand scheme of the universe for a second.

We're sorry that making records and videos gets in the way of picking out scarves and douchebag leather accessories sometimes, but fuck... Really?

We demand the immediate, unconditional surrender of your GNR credentials.

Zune claims 11% market share. How many did this guy buy?

http://www.electronista.com/articles/07/06/21/zune.11.percent.in.may/


Not a terrible start, but there's still a long way to go for the Microsoft's timely answer to the iPod.

Speaking of which, we're all really looking forward to the Zune phone two or three years from now, Microsoft. No time like the future. Hey, at least we know someone ^^^ who will buy one.

Rolling Stone: The Record Industry's Decline. Somehow they forgot to mention Rolling Stone's decline.

Motherfucking DUH. Are you guys are just figuring this shit out? Or is this story finally pseudo-cutting edge enough for your lowest common denominator readership?

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/15137581/the_record_industrys_decline/1


Hey, did you hear that the Titanic sank? How about an article on that? Good thing Amy Winehouse wasn't on it or you guys would really have nothing to write about.

Lil' Mama is here to save the day.

Stereofork's favorite underage b-girl has managed to somehow salvage the hitherto unmitigated debacle that is Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend.

Not even the involvement of MTV News could totally fuck this up. In fact, the only thing that could possibly make this better is if they made out, then Mama bitch slapped Avril and dumped her ass out of the car. Keep that in mind for next time, girls. Just sayin'.

P.S. Lil' Mama, please invite Ryan to your 18th birthday party so I can stop taunting him mercilessly.

Stick a fork in the spork.

The choon, aka Froggetme, may be just the ironic eating utensil that Asian cuisine loving hipsters (redundant?) everywhere have been waiting for.

And at the bargain price of $8, it also doubles as the perfect ironic complement to your ironic eye patch.

Too bad they're sold out. Go cry in your hot and sour soup.


http://www.gadling.com/2007/06/17/chopsticks-spoon-hybrid/

We're not here to start no trouble, we're just here to do the iPhone Shuffle.

For best results, click on the image. -- Mgmt.

Mom Jeans: More than just a DJ...

Yeah, Danny Masterson went from "DJ Donkey Punch" to "DJ Mom Jeans" while no one was looking. Too bad he's being upstaged by the return of actual mom jeans. These were purchased in Lawrence, Kansas and were spotted at a recent VICE party in LA that was sponsored by Colt 45. That's "Malt Liquor" for those of you at home keeping score. Can I go to sleep now?

CBS buys Last.fm, plans to use newly acquired anal probe technology to launch fall lineup.

BBC News caption:

The web has helped revolutionise listening to music.







According to a BBC news report today, the CBS Corporation has purchased London based music discovery community Last.fm for the tidy sum of $280 million.

Said Last.fm CEO, Martin Stiksel, "They understand that consuming media is changing, the patterns are changing."

In addition to the thriving community of 150 million users, CBS also gets Last.fm's proprietary discovery engine which consists of complex user-behavior driven software algorithms and state of the art data mining in the form of an anally-inserted USB dongle.

"By monitoring the contractions of the colon, we can determine user reactions to our content recommendations with astonishing accuracy," explained Stiksel.

CBS president and CEO Leslie Moonves added, "The media landscape has chaged from push to pull over the last few years and we see the anal probe as a great way to finally use that to our advantage. Why shove it down their throat when they can can stick it up their ass?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6701863.stm

Stereofork tips the 40 to Jeff Buckley.

Jeff,

There's not much to be said that hasn't already been said on this, the 10th anniversary of your death, other than it's really hard to find a picture of you on Google Images where you don't look like a big, sad poopypants.

Also, it's really awesome that Sony chose to release a criminally unambitious retrospective disc last week, so as not to in any way try an cash in on all the press you were sure to get today.

Cheers, brother. We miss you.

~SF