2.0 Legit To Quit

My, my, my, my man boobs hit me so hard...










Motherfucker. Hammer's got a blog!

http://mchammer.blogspot.com/


Henceforth, in homage to he who's "got a sand crab in his knickers," I'm going to sign all of my posts...

--Hammertime

Lily spills her guts about wanting to spill her guts.

The wounded blog-cry for validation from thousands of rabidly attentive fans that "lovingly don't get you" aka Celebrity 2.0 is so last year. Somebody please update the fucking Wiki.

And where is the dignity anymore?

What happened to the good old days where famosos could binge out on coke, booze, groupies, and pizza then call their manager or their mom semi-counsious, sobbing naked in the shower, from the anonymous squalor of their trashed hotel room?

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=36707169&blogID=264065410

P.S. Somebody update the "Every Girl Thinks She's Fat" Wiki, too.

Someone at The AP Loves George Lucas

This story has nothing to do with Star Wars. Really. Wow. Awesome.

I want to get hired by the AP so I can start sneaking in covert references to Swervedriver in D.U.I. stories.

One way shit ticket to hell.

According to an announcement today, ticket holders for this year's Glastonbury festival will receive free rolls (yes, plural) of toilet paper.

When pressed on the issue of whether arming a few hundred thousand festival goers with multiple rolls of toilet paper was really a good idea, festival Co-Organizer, Michael Eavis, responded, "Initially, we wanted to hand out paper waste disposal bags and lighter fluid to everyone in attendance, but that was quickly vetoed by the headlining acts."

Artists confirmed to play include The Who, Bjork, Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, The Killers, and Lily Allen. Sheryl Crow has mysteriously dropped off the bill and could not be reached for comment.

http://www.nme.com/news/glastonbury/28204

Natalie Portman seeks venture capital to build soul-devouring website.

In a diabolical move to once and for all consume the life force of the entire male population of Earth, Natalie Portman is looking for funding to launch a "lifecast" site which features "a continuous video feed of her work and personal life."

In completely un-related news, I'm looking for funding to build a basement bunker with a computer, high speed internet connection, microwave, a lifetime supply of mac & cheese, and 50 cases of hand lotion.

I have dry skin.


http://valleywag.com/tech/exclusive/natalie-portmans-lifecast-258610.php

Want to go green, but can't give up your 6-liter V8?

If you need a vehicle that can carry seven of you closest bros and tow a trailer filled with 4000 lbs. of Bud Light and beef jerky over the Cajon Pass at 80mph while maintaining as small a carbon footprint as possible, GM has answered your prayers with a resounding, BOOYAH!

Late last week, GM unveiled prototypes of the Chevy Tahoe and GMC Yukon that utilize hybrid gas-electric technology to achieve an eye-popping 22.5 mpg (downhill with a strong tail wind). The 25% improvement in fuel efficiency over the non-hybrid Tahoe and Yukon models will certainly score you green points with 60 mpg. Prius owners as you smash them over the center divider and assume your rightful spot in the carpool lane for your solo commute.


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB117830787122792563.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Interpol Gives You The Heinrich Maneuver

Nattily attired band Interpol is back with, well, pretty much more of the same. If you liked "Slow Hands" you'll probably dig this, from their new album "Our Love To Admire" due out July 10th.

The Heinrich Maneuver - radio rip

INTERPOL- Official Website
Myspace

New Justice Video

JUSTICE - D.A.N.C.E.
Every tee shirt should be able to do this...

Check Yo Lip Gloss

Barely 17, rapper Lil Mama has already been at her game for five years, signing to Jive Records this year and releasing the hit single "Lip Gloss." That means that at the age of 12 she was already cooler than you. Kind of seems like that rap that you had about GI Joes wasn't such a bad idea, huh?

Lil Mama raps with the attitude that you would expect from someone that would've grown up listening to more LL Cool J than 50 Cent, sassy but playful. She's basically that really awesome girl that makes you think that you wasted your teenage years. Get ready to pop open the lip gloss later this year when her full length The Voice Of The Young People releases via Jive Records.

Lip Gloss
No Music


Lil Mama Myspace
Official Website

God Hates Indie Kids.

And here's the proof, my friends: Behold the 10-day forecast for the Coachella area. Good weekend to be a Grizzly Bear.. not such a good weekend to be a Teddybear. Even worse weekend to be a Stephen Colbert.