CBS buys Last.fm, plans to use newly acquired anal probe technology to launch fall lineup.

BBC News caption:

The web has helped revolutionise listening to music.







According to a BBC news report today, the CBS Corporation has purchased London based music discovery community Last.fm for the tidy sum of $280 million.

Said Last.fm CEO, Martin Stiksel, "They understand that consuming media is changing, the patterns are changing."

In addition to the thriving community of 150 million users, CBS also gets Last.fm's proprietary discovery engine which consists of complex user-behavior driven software algorithms and state of the art data mining in the form of an anally-inserted USB dongle.

"By monitoring the contractions of the colon, we can determine user reactions to our content recommendations with astonishing accuracy," explained Stiksel.

CBS president and CEO Leslie Moonves added, "The media landscape has chaged from push to pull over the last few years and we see the anal probe as a great way to finally use that to our advantage. Why shove it down their throat when they can can stick it up their ass?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6701863.stm

Stereofork tips the 40 to Jeff Buckley.

Jeff,

There's not much to be said that hasn't already been said on this, the 10th anniversary of your death, other than it's really hard to find a picture of you on Google Images where you don't look like a big, sad poopypants.

Also, it's really awesome that Sony chose to release a criminally unambitious retrospective disc last week, so as not to in any way try an cash in on all the press you were sure to get today.

Cheers, brother. We miss you.

~SF

My Thump, My Thump.

Jack's going muy político up in this bitch.

But more importantly, Meg is teh h0tt s3x0r with curly hair. Ay.





Check out a few more advance tracks from Icky Thump aquí.

Steal This Contract

Hey, you signed the deal, dickface. Maybe you should make a snarky video about your lawyer instead.

Elk City "Cherries in the Snow"

Only bands from NYC can get away with this shit. If you're in a band that writes catchy, kitschy ditties that graft instantly to the heart, and you're not from NYC, you better move there. Otherwise, you're just a big pussy and you're not funny.






http://www.myspace.com/elkcity


P.S. Their new album is really good.

Master of Meat Puppets

Seeing as how we're communicating almost exclusively in YouTube videos this week, check out the good quality version of the new QOTSA vid:





Also, an .mp3 of the song Era Vulgaris is available here. Get it while you can.

Era Vulgaris the album will be released on 6/12. Or today if you can think of something that rhymes with Tit Borrent.

Mixed Nuts

Bryan, I will see your "Nuts" and raise you one self-professed "emo remix". Although, it's actually not emo at all...tomato tomahto...whatevs

Wow, who knows the greatest post punk band ever wore leotards.



Does anyone else find the line, "And you mortgaged your house to pay me..." a little bizarre?

The Reason The Internet Exists

Just to remind us how to stay golden...

Sirius to launch official background music station in Hell.

In a press release today, Sirius Satellite Radio announced that they had won the highly competitive bidding war with Muzak to provide the official background music in Hell.

"In the end Satan recognized our outside-the-box approach to talent acquisition and felt that we were the ones that could truly provide the ideal soundtrack for Eternal Damnation." Said Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin on a conference call.

"While Muzak's corporate culture is more in line with ours on paper, it's really the content that counts." Added Satan. "I guess you could say we're in this for the long haul, and we couldn't feel better about our decision. Content is king."

http://prod1.cmj.com/articles/display_article.php?id=36547294

Why Do You Think You Are Nuts?

When our civilization lies in ruins and a team of alien archaeologists resuscitates the internet, I hope somehow this is the first thing they find.

Geeks Gone Wild: USB Mini Fridge

If you don’t happen to do the majority of your computing within 50 ft. of a refrigerator or vending machine, and/or you're really fucking lazy, and/or you have nothing better to spend your money on, this should be right up your alley.

http://usb.brando.com.hk/prod_detail.php?prod_id=00286


I'm holding out for the 40oz. version. In the meantime, I'll be busy with my Hello Kitty USB Aquarium, thankyouverymuch.

Pitchfork interviews Sir Pole.

For those of you that just want the bullet points, here's the unabridged Stereofork synopsis:

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: Thank you for your time. It's been an honour to ask you a bunch of self-serving questions. God bless.
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!


Didn't even fucking ask about Starbucks. Way to keep it real for the people.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/feature/42799-interview-sir-paul-mccartney

I'm Going To Marry A British Ya'all

Just so I can have a kid who talks like this...

(and why this is so funny to me, I have no idea. but Oh. It IS)

Princess Leia: Into Frat Parties? Who Knew!

Oh, I bet Lucas did...

RAZR 2 Will It Suck As Much As RAZR 1?

Funny, Motorola's RAZR 2 Comes With A Multiracial Party That Includes No Asians Whatsoever

Being a new media geek, I've always been progressive in my love of gadgets. When camera phones burst on the scene I was there. When Friendster became lame, I already had 500 friends on MySpace and a low user I.D. number. When I was told that my phone was simply too fat, I sucked it up and bought a RAZR thinking that now I was officially cool...but you know what.

IT SUCKED.

The single biggest regret of my life is buying a RAZR. I know, it's not even that guy I took to winter formal whose nose bled on my dress. No, YOU RAZR. You slow ass phone. Have you ever tried to text message someone in a timely manner on a RAZR? It's impossible. Even with T9. How about the annoying feature of automatically receiving new text messages when you're mid typing your response to someone - that sucks! Where's the flash on my phone camera? Oh that's right, it doesn't have any. My crappy brick did but not this super sleek hunk o' junk. Typing numbers is frustrating. You have to press "Ok" like three times for any command and all of my pictures look like I'm hunting down Big Foot, Lochness and Unicorns.

So, now RAZR 2 is out and to YOU Motorola I say, WHO F*cking CARES!

Or b.) send me a free one

If there's anyone that can help me efficiently get rid of mine for cheap I'll send you all the bikini pictures of my friends and I stored in its useless memory. Oh, by the way, they're fuzzy and completely impossible to view.

Now That He's Gone, Where's He Going?

Let's vote for hell.


SodaHead Opinion Poll: Will Jerry Falwell go to heaven? In memory, Adam

Bad food, bad teeth, wooden cell phones, and Tatiana still wants to move there.

Pay as you go, but roaming charges apply outside of the Shire.


http://www.idl.dundee.ac.uk/phonenotphone/products.php

Can you smell what Alberto is cooking?

"I think I may be aware of that."













Mix one cup of RIAA, 2 tbsp. of MPAA, a dollop of Homeland Security, a sprinkle of Orwell, and a big ass barrel of crazy and you get... The Intellectual Property Protection Act of 2007.


If the bill were to pass through Congress as is, it would:

* Criminalize "attempting" to infringe copyright
* Create a new crime of life imprisonment for using pirated software
* Permit more wiretaps for piracy investigations
* Allow computers to be seized more readily
* Increase penalties for violating the Digital Millennium Copyright Act's anti-circumvention regulations
* Add penalties for "intended" copyright crimes
* Require Homeland Security to alert the Recording Industry Association of America


Yowza.


http://news.com.com/8301-10784_3-9719339-7.html

2.0 Legit To Quit

My, my, my, my man boobs hit me so hard...










Motherfucker. Hammer's got a blog!

http://mchammer.blogspot.com/


Henceforth, in homage to he who's "got a sand crab in his knickers," I'm going to sign all of my posts...

--Hammertime

Lily spills her guts about wanting to spill her guts.

The wounded blog-cry for validation from thousands of rabidly attentive fans that "lovingly don't get you" aka Celebrity 2.0 is so last year. Somebody please update the fucking Wiki.

And where is the dignity anymore?

What happened to the good old days where famosos could binge out on coke, booze, groupies, and pizza then call their manager or their mom semi-counsious, sobbing naked in the shower, from the anonymous squalor of their trashed hotel room?

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=36707169&blogID=264065410

P.S. Somebody update the "Every Girl Thinks She's Fat" Wiki, too.

Someone at The AP Loves George Lucas

This story has nothing to do with Star Wars. Really. Wow. Awesome.

I want to get hired by the AP so I can start sneaking in covert references to Swervedriver in D.U.I. stories.

One way shit ticket to hell.

According to an announcement today, ticket holders for this year's Glastonbury festival will receive free rolls (yes, plural) of toilet paper.

When pressed on the issue of whether arming a few hundred thousand festival goers with multiple rolls of toilet paper was really a good idea, festival Co-Organizer, Michael Eavis, responded, "Initially, we wanted to hand out paper waste disposal bags and lighter fluid to everyone in attendance, but that was quickly vetoed by the headlining acts."

Artists confirmed to play include The Who, Bjork, Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, The Killers, and Lily Allen. Sheryl Crow has mysteriously dropped off the bill and could not be reached for comment.

http://www.nme.com/news/glastonbury/28204

Natalie Portman seeks venture capital to build soul-devouring website.

In a diabolical move to once and for all consume the life force of the entire male population of Earth, Natalie Portman is looking for funding to launch a "lifecast" site which features "a continuous video feed of her work and personal life."

In completely un-related news, I'm looking for funding to build a basement bunker with a computer, high speed internet connection, microwave, a lifetime supply of mac & cheese, and 50 cases of hand lotion.

I have dry skin.


http://valleywag.com/tech/exclusive/natalie-portmans-lifecast-258610.php

Want to go green, but can't give up your 6-liter V8?

If you need a vehicle that can carry seven of you closest bros and tow a trailer filled with 4000 lbs. of Bud Light and beef jerky over the Cajon Pass at 80mph while maintaining as small a carbon footprint as possible, GM has answered your prayers with a resounding, BOOYAH!

Late last week, GM unveiled prototypes of the Chevy Tahoe and GMC Yukon that utilize hybrid gas-electric technology to achieve an eye-popping 22.5 mpg (downhill with a strong tail wind). The 25% improvement in fuel efficiency over the non-hybrid Tahoe and Yukon models will certainly score you green points with 60 mpg. Prius owners as you smash them over the center divider and assume your rightful spot in the carpool lane for your solo commute.


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB117830787122792563.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Interpol Gives You The Heinrich Maneuver

Nattily attired band Interpol is back with, well, pretty much more of the same. If you liked "Slow Hands" you'll probably dig this, from their new album "Our Love To Admire" due out July 10th.

The Heinrich Maneuver - radio rip

INTERPOL- Official Website
Myspace

New Justice Video

JUSTICE - D.A.N.C.E.
Every tee shirt should be able to do this...

Check Yo Lip Gloss

Barely 17, rapper Lil Mama has already been at her game for five years, signing to Jive Records this year and releasing the hit single "Lip Gloss." That means that at the age of 12 she was already cooler than you. Kind of seems like that rap that you had about GI Joes wasn't such a bad idea, huh?

Lil Mama raps with the attitude that you would expect from someone that would've grown up listening to more LL Cool J than 50 Cent, sassy but playful. She's basically that really awesome girl that makes you think that you wasted your teenage years. Get ready to pop open the lip gloss later this year when her full length The Voice Of The Young People releases via Jive Records.

Lip Gloss
No Music


Lil Mama Myspace
Official Website