Lily Allen: More Winehouse than Winehouse.

Think White Zombie with that headline. Um, anyway...









































Lily,

Gratuitous, ham-fisted self-deprecation and aneurysm inducing music aside, maybe you're not that bad after all.

I'm starting to think that you may be that obtrusively annoying theatre geek in high school that I secretly wished would talk to me. Your loss, obviously.


http://idolator.com/tunes/you-might-laugh%2C-you-might-frown/lily-allen-is-feeling-the-weight-of-the-world-on-the-top-of-her-head-273555.php

Hey, Idolator: Speaking of obtrusively annoying... Maybe you should make your URLs a little longer. Fuck's sake.

Apple iPhone now available online!

Click here for details.

Now THIS Is A Reunion

a.) No one is super old
b.) People still care
c.) All the members are back in the band

Fuck yeah.
In a year full of reunions,
the Verve have just nabbed my vote for Best Reunion of the Year.

Sex Toys...Now With Mold!

We're sure the editors at MSNBC weren't thinking about how this story on sex toys going green sounds vaguely mold friendly and icky.

Not to mention the mere existence of a Sexual Health section on MSNBC leads us humble readers to think their Secret Santa parties could be far more kinky than we would have liked to imagine! In fact, we previously assumed that MSNBC writers had the same reproductive characteristics as encephalopods, but still...yeah...

I don't want my sex toys going green on me. Ew.
Then again, I don' t have any.
I'm waiting 'til marriage and don't you tell my mama no different!

WWJD POR VIDA!

She Builds Quick Machines, Velvet Revolver make shitty music.

Are you guys serious? Really? God, the fucking Donnas rock harder than you. Think about that in the grand scheme of the universe for a second.

We're sorry that making records and videos gets in the way of picking out scarves and douchebag leather accessories sometimes, but fuck... Really?

We demand the immediate, unconditional surrender of your GNR credentials.

Zune claims 11% market share. How many did this guy buy?

http://www.electronista.com/articles/07/06/21/zune.11.percent.in.may/


Not a terrible start, but there's still a long way to go for the Microsoft's timely answer to the iPod.

Speaking of which, we're all really looking forward to the Zune phone two or three years from now, Microsoft. No time like the future. Hey, at least we know someone ^^^ who will buy one.

Rolling Stone: The Record Industry's Decline. Somehow they forgot to mention Rolling Stone's decline.

Motherfucking DUH. Are you guys are just figuring this shit out? Or is this story finally pseudo-cutting edge enough for your lowest common denominator readership?

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/15137581/the_record_industrys_decline/1


Hey, did you hear that the Titanic sank? How about an article on that? Good thing Amy Winehouse wasn't on it or you guys would really have nothing to write about.

Lil' Mama is here to save the day.

Stereofork's favorite underage b-girl has managed to somehow salvage the hitherto unmitigated debacle that is Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend.

Not even the involvement of MTV News could totally fuck this up. In fact, the only thing that could possibly make this better is if they made out, then Mama bitch slapped Avril and dumped her ass out of the car. Keep that in mind for next time, girls. Just sayin'.

P.S. Lil' Mama, please invite Ryan to your 18th birthday party so I can stop taunting him mercilessly.

Stick a fork in the spork.

The choon, aka Froggetme, may be just the ironic eating utensil that Asian cuisine loving hipsters (redundant?) everywhere have been waiting for.

And at the bargain price of $8, it also doubles as the perfect ironic complement to your ironic eye patch.

Too bad they're sold out. Go cry in your hot and sour soup.


http://www.gadling.com/2007/06/17/chopsticks-spoon-hybrid/

We're not here to start no trouble, we're just here to do the iPhone Shuffle.

For best results, click on the image. -- Mgmt.

Mom Jeans: More than just a DJ...

Yeah, Danny Masterson went from "DJ Donkey Punch" to "DJ Mom Jeans" while no one was looking. Too bad he's being upstaged by the return of actual mom jeans. These were purchased in Lawrence, Kansas and were spotted at a recent VICE party in LA that was sponsored by Colt 45. That's "Malt Liquor" for those of you at home keeping score. Can I go to sleep now?

CBS buys Last.fm, plans to use newly acquired anal probe technology to launch fall lineup.

BBC News caption:

The web has helped revolutionise listening to music.







According to a BBC news report today, the CBS Corporation has purchased London based music discovery community Last.fm for the tidy sum of $280 million.

Said Last.fm CEO, Martin Stiksel, "They understand that consuming media is changing, the patterns are changing."

In addition to the thriving community of 150 million users, CBS also gets Last.fm's proprietary discovery engine which consists of complex user-behavior driven software algorithms and state of the art data mining in the form of an anally-inserted USB dongle.

"By monitoring the contractions of the colon, we can determine user reactions to our content recommendations with astonishing accuracy," explained Stiksel.

CBS president and CEO Leslie Moonves added, "The media landscape has chaged from push to pull over the last few years and we see the anal probe as a great way to finally use that to our advantage. Why shove it down their throat when they can can stick it up their ass?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6701863.stm

Stereofork tips the 40 to Jeff Buckley.

Jeff,

There's not much to be said that hasn't already been said on this, the 10th anniversary of your death, other than it's really hard to find a picture of you on Google Images where you don't look like a big, sad poopypants.

Also, it's really awesome that Sony chose to release a criminally unambitious retrospective disc last week, so as not to in any way try an cash in on all the press you were sure to get today.

Cheers, brother. We miss you.

~SF

My Thump, My Thump.

Jack's going muy político up in this bitch.

But more importantly, Meg is teh h0tt s3x0r with curly hair. Ay.





Check out a few more advance tracks from Icky Thump aquí.

Steal This Contract

Hey, you signed the deal, dickface. Maybe you should make a snarky video about your lawyer instead.

Elk City "Cherries in the Snow"

Only bands from NYC can get away with this shit. If you're in a band that writes catchy, kitschy ditties that graft instantly to the heart, and you're not from NYC, you better move there. Otherwise, you're just a big pussy and you're not funny.






http://www.myspace.com/elkcity


P.S. Their new album is really good.

Master of Meat Puppets

Seeing as how we're communicating almost exclusively in YouTube videos this week, check out the good quality version of the new QOTSA vid:





Also, an .mp3 of the song Era Vulgaris is available here. Get it while you can.

Era Vulgaris the album will be released on 6/12. Or today if you can think of something that rhymes with Tit Borrent.

Mixed Nuts

Bryan, I will see your "Nuts" and raise you one self-professed "emo remix". Although, it's actually not emo at all...tomato tomahto...whatevs

Wow, who knows the greatest post punk band ever wore leotards.



Does anyone else find the line, "And you mortgaged your house to pay me..." a little bizarre?

The Reason The Internet Exists

Just to remind us how to stay golden...

Sirius to launch official background music station in Hell.

In a press release today, Sirius Satellite Radio announced that they had won the highly competitive bidding war with Muzak to provide the official background music in Hell.

"In the end Satan recognized our outside-the-box approach to talent acquisition and felt that we were the ones that could truly provide the ideal soundtrack for Eternal Damnation." Said Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin on a conference call.

"While Muzak's corporate culture is more in line with ours on paper, it's really the content that counts." Added Satan. "I guess you could say we're in this for the long haul, and we couldn't feel better about our decision. Content is king."

http://prod1.cmj.com/articles/display_article.php?id=36547294

Why Do You Think You Are Nuts?

When our civilization lies in ruins and a team of alien archaeologists resuscitates the internet, I hope somehow this is the first thing they find.

Geeks Gone Wild: USB Mini Fridge

If you don’t happen to do the majority of your computing within 50 ft. of a refrigerator or vending machine, and/or you're really fucking lazy, and/or you have nothing better to spend your money on, this should be right up your alley.

http://usb.brando.com.hk/prod_detail.php?prod_id=00286


I'm holding out for the 40oz. version. In the meantime, I'll be busy with my Hello Kitty USB Aquarium, thankyouverymuch.

Pitchfork interviews Sir Pole.

For those of you that just want the bullet points, here's the unabridged Stereofork synopsis:

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: May we kiss your bum?
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!

Pitchfork: Thank you for your time. It's been an honour to ask you a bunch of self-serving questions. God bless.
McCartney: I was in the Beatles!


Didn't even fucking ask about Starbucks. Way to keep it real for the people.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/feature/42799-interview-sir-paul-mccartney

I'm Going To Marry A British Ya'all

Just so I can have a kid who talks like this...

(and why this is so funny to me, I have no idea. but Oh. It IS)

Princess Leia: Into Frat Parties? Who Knew!

Oh, I bet Lucas did...

RAZR 2 Will It Suck As Much As RAZR 1?

Funny, Motorola's RAZR 2 Comes With A Multiracial Party That Includes No Asians Whatsoever

Being a new media geek, I've always been progressive in my love of gadgets. When camera phones burst on the scene I was there. When Friendster became lame, I already had 500 friends on MySpace and a low user I.D. number. When I was told that my phone was simply too fat, I sucked it up and bought a RAZR thinking that now I was officially cool...but you know what.

IT SUCKED.

The single biggest regret of my life is buying a RAZR. I know, it's not even that guy I took to winter formal whose nose bled on my dress. No, YOU RAZR. You slow ass phone. Have you ever tried to text message someone in a timely manner on a RAZR? It's impossible. Even with T9. How about the annoying feature of automatically receiving new text messages when you're mid typing your response to someone - that sucks! Where's the flash on my phone camera? Oh that's right, it doesn't have any. My crappy brick did but not this super sleek hunk o' junk. Typing numbers is frustrating. You have to press "Ok" like three times for any command and all of my pictures look like I'm hunting down Big Foot, Lochness and Unicorns.

So, now RAZR 2 is out and to YOU Motorola I say, WHO F*cking CARES!

Or b.) send me a free one

If there's anyone that can help me efficiently get rid of mine for cheap I'll send you all the bikini pictures of my friends and I stored in its useless memory. Oh, by the way, they're fuzzy and completely impossible to view.

Now That He's Gone, Where's He Going?

Let's vote for hell.


SodaHead Opinion Poll: Will Jerry Falwell go to heaven? In memory, Adam

Bad food, bad teeth, wooden cell phones, and Tatiana still wants to move there.

Pay as you go, but roaming charges apply outside of the Shire.


http://www.idl.dundee.ac.uk/phonenotphone/products.php

Can you smell what Alberto is cooking?

"I think I may be aware of that."













Mix one cup of RIAA, 2 tbsp. of MPAA, a dollop of Homeland Security, a sprinkle of Orwell, and a big ass barrel of crazy and you get... The Intellectual Property Protection Act of 2007.


If the bill were to pass through Congress as is, it would:

* Criminalize "attempting" to infringe copyright
* Create a new crime of life imprisonment for using pirated software
* Permit more wiretaps for piracy investigations
* Allow computers to be seized more readily
* Increase penalties for violating the Digital Millennium Copyright Act's anti-circumvention regulations
* Add penalties for "intended" copyright crimes
* Require Homeland Security to alert the Recording Industry Association of America


Yowza.


http://news.com.com/8301-10784_3-9719339-7.html

2.0 Legit To Quit

My, my, my, my man boobs hit me so hard...










Motherfucker. Hammer's got a blog!

http://mchammer.blogspot.com/


Henceforth, in homage to he who's "got a sand crab in his knickers," I'm going to sign all of my posts...

--Hammertime

Lily spills her guts about wanting to spill her guts.

The wounded blog-cry for validation from thousands of rabidly attentive fans that "lovingly don't get you" aka Celebrity 2.0 is so last year. Somebody please update the fucking Wiki.

And where is the dignity anymore?

What happened to the good old days where famosos could binge out on coke, booze, groupies, and pizza then call their manager or their mom semi-counsious, sobbing naked in the shower, from the anonymous squalor of their trashed hotel room?

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=36707169&blogID=264065410

P.S. Somebody update the "Every Girl Thinks She's Fat" Wiki, too.

Someone at The AP Loves George Lucas

This story has nothing to do with Star Wars. Really. Wow. Awesome.

I want to get hired by the AP so I can start sneaking in covert references to Swervedriver in D.U.I. stories.

One way shit ticket to hell.

According to an announcement today, ticket holders for this year's Glastonbury festival will receive free rolls (yes, plural) of toilet paper.

When pressed on the issue of whether arming a few hundred thousand festival goers with multiple rolls of toilet paper was really a good idea, festival Co-Organizer, Michael Eavis, responded, "Initially, we wanted to hand out paper waste disposal bags and lighter fluid to everyone in attendance, but that was quickly vetoed by the headlining acts."

Artists confirmed to play include The Who, Bjork, Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, The Killers, and Lily Allen. Sheryl Crow has mysteriously dropped off the bill and could not be reached for comment.

http://www.nme.com/news/glastonbury/28204

Natalie Portman seeks venture capital to build soul-devouring website.

In a diabolical move to once and for all consume the life force of the entire male population of Earth, Natalie Portman is looking for funding to launch a "lifecast" site which features "a continuous video feed of her work and personal life."

In completely un-related news, I'm looking for funding to build a basement bunker with a computer, high speed internet connection, microwave, a lifetime supply of mac & cheese, and 50 cases of hand lotion.

I have dry skin.


http://valleywag.com/tech/exclusive/natalie-portmans-lifecast-258610.php

Want to go green, but can't give up your 6-liter V8?

If you need a vehicle that can carry seven of you closest bros and tow a trailer filled with 4000 lbs. of Bud Light and beef jerky over the Cajon Pass at 80mph while maintaining as small a carbon footprint as possible, GM has answered your prayers with a resounding, BOOYAH!

Late last week, GM unveiled prototypes of the Chevy Tahoe and GMC Yukon that utilize hybrid gas-electric technology to achieve an eye-popping 22.5 mpg (downhill with a strong tail wind). The 25% improvement in fuel efficiency over the non-hybrid Tahoe and Yukon models will certainly score you green points with 60 mpg. Prius owners as you smash them over the center divider and assume your rightful spot in the carpool lane for your solo commute.


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB117830787122792563.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Interpol Gives You The Heinrich Maneuver

Nattily attired band Interpol is back with, well, pretty much more of the same. If you liked "Slow Hands" you'll probably dig this, from their new album "Our Love To Admire" due out July 10th.

The Heinrich Maneuver - radio rip

INTERPOL- Official Website
Myspace

New Justice Video

JUSTICE - D.A.N.C.E.
Every tee shirt should be able to do this...

Check Yo Lip Gloss

Barely 17, rapper Lil Mama has already been at her game for five years, signing to Jive Records this year and releasing the hit single "Lip Gloss." That means that at the age of 12 she was already cooler than you. Kind of seems like that rap that you had about GI Joes wasn't such a bad idea, huh?

Lil Mama raps with the attitude that you would expect from someone that would've grown up listening to more LL Cool J than 50 Cent, sassy but playful. She's basically that really awesome girl that makes you think that you wasted your teenage years. Get ready to pop open the lip gloss later this year when her full length The Voice Of The Young People releases via Jive Records.

Lip Gloss
No Music


Lil Mama Myspace
Official Website

God Hates Indie Kids.

And here's the proof, my friends: Behold the 10-day forecast for the Coachella area. Good weekend to be a Grizzly Bear.. not such a good weekend to be a Teddybear. Even worse weekend to be a Stephen Colbert.

"Secret" Shows Surrounding Coachella

Missed your chance to see this years nostalgic for the 90's lineup? Skip the filler and check out the following bands:

Arctic Monkeys at the Troubadour Sunday, 4/29
Tickets: $25 through fax only
Doors @ 10pm, onstage @ 11pm
Fax form: Troubadour Fax Form
Fax # (310) 247-4896

The Cribs at Dimples, Burbank Wednesday, 4/25
FREE - band on at 7:30 pm

Tapes N Tapes at Spaceland Thursday, 4/26
Tickets: $12

Crowded House at Glass House Friday, 4/27 -not secret, but still amazing
Tickets: $25

Ed Banger Records Showcase feat. Justice at Ex-Plex Monday, 4/30
Tickets $10

Spankrock and Flosstradamus at Check Yo Ponytail Tuesday, 5/1
FREE!!
RSVP: rsvp@iheartcomix.com

See ya at Spaceland this Thursday...

Fantastic Looking Men In Tights Set To Lure 18-34 Male Demographic To Musical Theater

Marvel announced that Spider Man will jump from the big screen to the theater, apparently having not made enough money through films. Helming this task will be the easy-to-work-with director Julie Taymor, fresh from making songs from the White Album even more unbearable.

This news bears good news for other superhero projects set to hit multiplexes soon, as Jake Gyllenhaal can easily make the transistion from yelling "Shazam!" to crooning it sweetly towards his adoring fans so many times before.

Julie Taymor to direct Spider-Man Musical | /Film

Will Farrell Manages To Be Funny Without Running From Imaginary Flames, Not Without Enabling 2-Year Old

In this brave new world where 8 million digital monkeys on typewriters crank out his new plots, Will Farrell managed to remind us how funny it can be when he breaks out of his usual stereotype and argues with drunken children. Expect the sequel to be greenlit soon, before his young co-star undergoes a meltdown of Osment-like proportions.

Funny Or Die

New Feist Video for "1234"

Most of us watch Michel Gondry videos and think "Damn son! THAT looks amazing!" Feist watched them and said "Choreography? Bright outfits? Fuck it. I got this."



Reminder is out April 24th.

Tatiana's lurid encounter with a vintage bondi blue iMac.

Hey dudes,

Reporting on the road from NYC. If I were on my laptop right now and not my friend's geriatric 1997 turqouise iMac (that runs Mac OS9...don't get me started) I would do a sweet photo splice showing Marcia Cross during the O.J. trial before and after her flattening of hair and then Phil Spector before and after his.

And Phil, considering how the trial went for Marcia, I think you're screwed.

But hey dude, you'll always get props for the ol' wall of sound technique.

and c.) Scott, thanks for name checking me on the JAMC bloggage below. Too bad I think the only people that are going to be stoked by Scarlett singing with JAMC are people who have no idea who the f*ck JAMC are. I'm pretty glad I'm not going that night now. What a huge ass bummer.


--Tatiana

Hot Potato! 2007 Lollapalooza line-up announced!

No bells, whistles or snarky asides, here is the line-up for the 2007 edition of Lollapalooza, happening in Chicago August 3 - 5:

Pearl Jam (pictured, only U.S. date for 2007), Daft Punk, Ben Harper, Muse, Iggy & The Stooges, Modest Mouse, Interpol, My Morning Jacket, Satellite Party, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Snow Patrol, The Roots, Patti Smith, Kings Of Leon, The Black Keys, Regina Spektor, Spoon, Lupe Fiasco, TV On The Radio, Pete Yorn, G. Love, Paolo Nutini, Amy Winehouse, LCD Soundsystem, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Silverchair, Femi Kuti, Yo La Tengo, Hold Steady, Jack's Mannequin, Stephen Marley, STS9, MIA, Slightly Stoopid, Blonde Redhead, Sparklehorse, Sean Lennon, !!!, Blue October, Son Volt, Motion City Soundtrack, Polyphonic Spree, Peter Bjorn & John, Silversun Pickups, CSS, The Rapture, The Wailers, Roky Erickson, Tapes N Tapes, Heartless Bastards, The View, The Cribs, The Fratellis, Ghostland Observatory, Tokyo Police Club, Rhymefest, Soulive, Cold War Kids, Annuals, Fields, Electric Six, Jim Noir, Elvis Perkins, Sam Roberts, Black Angels, Charlie Musselwhite, Aqueduct, Juliette & The Licks, Dios, Viva Voce, David Vandervelde, Los Campesinos!, Chin Up Chin Up, Ryan Shaw, Colour Revolt, Satin Peaches, Illinois, Arckid, Mickey Avalon, The 1900s, Bang Bang Bang, Bound Stems, High Class Elite Carey Ott, Matt Roan.

WHEW!

Dare I say better line-up than 2007 Coachella? Discuss.

First Look At What An Icky Thump Looks Like

Icky Thump out on 7/18 via Warner Bros.

And Jack needs to stop watching ¡Three Amigos! so many times.

Taste of Scarlett

If you’re old enough to remember what was going down sonically way back in the year of our lord 1985, The Jesus and Mary Chain’s cataclysmic debut Psychocandy was a revelation. It all but birthed the shoegaze sound with its fuzzed-out guitars juxtaposed against sugary pop melodies. One of the coolest bands to emerge from that era, J&MC is still revered by many, and rightfully so. Which is why their appearance at this year’s Coachella is the only reunion news that really matters, since a lot of us (well, me) still blame Rage Against The Machine for causing such nonsense as Korn, Limp Bizkit and the whole unfortunate debacle that was “rap-rock.”

Younger charges will know J&MC as the band behind the song “Just Like Honey,” which was used to devastating effect at the end of every middle-aged man’s fantasy, Lost in Translation. This is where things get weird.

To tune up for the big Coachella show, J&MC are doing a not-so-secret show at the Glass House in Pomona on Thursday, April 26 (good luck scoring tickets, slowpokes). But the real news is that joining the band onstage to sing background vocals will be none other than Lost in Translation star Scarlett Johansson.

Has the voluptuous Hollywood nymph moved on from the likes of Josh Harnett, Justin Timberlake and Ryan Reynolds to snuggle up with an alt.rock legend like one of the Reid brothers? Stranger things have happened. Not in my life, but still.

Also, shoegaze aficionados like our own Tatiana will be pleased as punch to know that this current incarnation of J&MC features former Lush bassist Phil King and ex-Ride drummer Laurence “Loz” Colbert, making them something of a shoegazing super-group. Word.

Indie Enthusiast Cops To Non Ironic Cher Addiction

Today, I finally made known a dark secret to a friend who is a top entertainment industry professional. That secret is that I love Cher and I'm not being ironic either. I love her. Not just because she's also half-Armenian and understands the plight of half breeds, but because she's acheived everything I hope to in life: massive wealth, a body that won't quit, the finesse to pull off fishnet leotards and a large gay following. Oh Cher, teach me your ways. I heart you.

To my fellow Stereofork editors, I implore you to come out of your non ironic closets and tell us who you love...and also, does anyone have the Believe tour DVD? I totally want it.

It Ain't Easy Being Day-Glo

Unless you're lucky enough to have been living in Amish country (not the rough part) for the past few months you've heard about the Nu-Rave movement sweeping the coasts. For some reason, the boys wearing day-glo tights look hasn't really caught on in the Midwest. The leaders of this new movement, space-rockers The Klaxons, just dropped their first full length this week.

The album mixes the indie-rock and dance aesthetic that have had their shows packed with both neon outfits and skinny-pant clad hipster kids. NME has done everything but propose to them, but even without the hype they still put out a decent, listenable record.

They just announced a US tour, so be sure to break out the glow sticks (does this mean that the 90's are the new 80's?) and hit the dance floor. Keep away from anyone offering back rubs.

April 8 – Toronto, ONT @ Lee’s Palace
April 10 – New York, NY @ Bowery Ballroom
April 11- Boston, MA @ Great Scott
April 13 – Brooklyn, NY @ Studio B
April 14 – Philadelphia, PA @ Transit
April 16 – Chicago, IL @ Schubas Tavern
April 17 – Minneapolis, MN @ 7th Street Entry
April 19 – Denver, CO @ Larimer Lounge
April 21 – Los Angeles, CA @ Ex Plex below the Echo
April 22 – Vancouver, BC @ Richard’s On Richards Cabaret
April 23 – Seattle, WA @ Crocodile Café
April 24 – Portland, OR @ Dante’s
April 26 – San Francisco, CA @ Popscene @ 330 Ritch
April 29 – Indio, CA @ Coachella

Golden Skans
Atlantis To Interzone

Klaxons on Myspace

The future of CD bonus material is now.

Hey, Music Industry...

Who gives a fuck about enhanced CDs and bonus DVDs? Give me a bagel sandwich any day.

This Week In Useless Degrees

Do you love our country, happen to be Republican but are too scared shitless to go join the military? Then check out these sweet degrees in Homeland Security from some online university no one's ever heard of! You'll wow your friends with your knowledge of how to effectively quarantine strangers, differentiate a code yellow from a code orange and spot Muslims anywhere at anytime. You'll also get an extra dollar an hour when you land your bitchin' cargo job at JetBlue. Sweet! Check out your classes! Do I smell some fun frat parties or what?!

Core Courses (27 semester hours)
CJ395 - EDM 220 - Emergency Planning
GM160 - HLS 211 - Emergency Response to Terrorism
GM260 - HLS 212 - Chemical, Biological, and Radiological Hazard
GM261 - HLS 213 - Weapons of Mass Destruction Incident Command
IR310 - HLS 101 - Homeland Defense
MM325 - EDM 340 - Consequence Management
SS460 - POL 410 – Public Policy
SS489 - HLS 301 – Homeland Security Organization
RQ300 - COL 300 - Research, Analysis, and Writing

Major Courses (12 semester hours)
Take four (4) of the following courses:
CJ370 - SCM 370 – Principles and Theory of Security Issues
CJ373 - SCM373 – Risk Analysis and Loss Prevention
CJ410 - HLS311 – Border and Coastal Security
CS305 - ISS 362 – IT Security: Attack and Defense
GM263 - HLS 215 – Regulatory Issues in Weapons of Mass Destruction
GM316 - ISS 381 – Cyber Law and Privacy in the Digital Age
IR311 - HLS104 – Chemical and Biological Defense
IS102 - HLS 153 – The International Terrorist
IS201 - HLS 225 – Intermediate Terrorism
IS310 - INT 433 - Threat Analysis
IS349 - HLS 320 – Intelligence and Homeland Security
IS386 - INT 423 – Cyber Warfare
MC406 - TLM 381 – Hazardous Materials Management
MC444 - EDM 420 – Risk Communications
MC445 - HLS 312 – Port Security
MC491- FSC 321 - Community Fire Mitigation and Protection
MC495 - FSC 405 - Fire Safety and Risk Reduction
PY431 - PSY 431 - Psychology of Disaster
RQ313 - INT 315 - Foreign Intelligence Organizations
SC403 - EDM 240 - Chemistry of Hazardous Materials
SS440 - HCM 426 - Quarantine

Even Kermit Hurts

Bryan pointed out this amazing clip...it makes me want to shed green tears.

Halle Berry Celebrates Star On Walk Of Fame By Inviting Mass Orgy

Oscar winner, part-time Michelle Pfeiffer stand-in, all of these words have been used to describe Halle Berry, and now she can join the hard-working ranks of other stars on the famous stretch of VD-infested sidewalk that can be described as Stars On The Walk Of Fame.

Obviously overcome by the moment, Berry invited her fans in even closer to experience not only the moment, but herself with the comment, "I cannot tell you how good it feels inside me right now. I wish you all could be inside me right now to know how it feels." Thankfully security was on hand to keep overly-excited superheroes wanting to take up the X-Men member on the offer away from the actress.

Inside Halle Berry - WOW Report

Whip It Good

The latest band sure to demand NME's undying love is Manchester band The Whip. Forming from the remains of the band Nylon Pylon, The Whip came onto the scene in 2006. The band quickly made a name for itself with the single "Frustration" and followed up on that success with "Trash".

The band recorded their first effort in a pub cellar, and are currently working on a full length release for later this year. All you lucky metric-system-loving Brits can catch them at gigs all summer long.
4-19 Camden Crawl, London

4-20 Camden Crawl, London

4-21 Chalk @ The Scala, London

4-26 Waterfront, Norwich

4-27 Concorde, Brighton

4-28 Roadmender, Northhampton

5-3 QMU, Glasgow

5-4 Trent Uni, Nottingham

Frustration
Trash

The Whip On Myspace

Danzig XVII: The Lost Tracks

I don't care if he got knocked out. I don't care if he's on 'roids or got hair plugs. I don't care if his comic books or newer albums are shit. I don't care that he's now vocally closer to Barney from the Simpsons than Elvis or Jim Morrison.

Danzig is the fucking man, and don't you ever forget it. I'm so much more stoked about the Lost Tracks of Danzig album than I'll ever be about some hyped up fagster Modest Shins or Arcade Party release.

May 29th. Mark it down. On your forehead. In the blood of a virgin, or a first born goat or something. Figure it out.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070404/music_nm/danzig_dc

Justice Makes Pretty Music For Pretty People

Keeping with Stereofork's love for all things from Ed Banger Records, the new Justice track from their forthcoming EP D.A.N.C.E. is our new soon-to-be-burnt-out-on song for the summer. It's an extended version of uber-upbeat track D.A.N.C.E., with the cheeriness turned up to eleven.

They are also working on a new full length due out in June, still without a title. The EP is due from Ed Banger Records on April 16th.


B.E.A.T. extended version
We Are Your Friends From 2003 Release

Justice on Myspace

Nice shoes.. wanna mope?

The joy revision continues. New Balance has announced it will be producing a limited edition 'Joy Division' trainer to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the band's inception. Details such as the iconic album artwork of their post-punk classic "Unknown Pleasures," the lyrics "Step Inside" from "Atrocity Exhibition" and a nod to Factory Records' comprehensive numbering system ("Fact 10") grace the austere white sneakers. No word yet on price or if Ian Curtis has rolled over in his grave, risen from the dead and entered himself into a 2K Walk-And-Run. But hey, miserablists care about physical fitness too. Ready, set.. goth!

Hypebeast

Keith Richards Snorts Father

In what is likely to win the gold medal at this year's Comedy Olympics and be beaten to death (oops...) by every comedian under the sun by next week, it was reported today that Rolling Stone's resident paleontology expert Keith Richards once snorted his father's ashes...oh and they were totally cut with blow. Understandably, Richard's mother voiced her displeasure over his actions but good ol' Keith made good by replying, "Mum, don't worry, I'm savin' the good stuff for you..." Awww! How cute!

I will now turn this story over to the rest of the Stereofork newsdesk so they can weigh in on today's events.

Wow. We're like Weekend Update on SNL except unemployed and not visible.


Bryan: Vampire Keef proves once again that we're all pussies, wot with our weak drugs and all. Good show, I say.

Steve Jobs is Satan.

Where is Leopard? Apple TV is only being bought by geeks that want to hack it. How many people are really going to pay $600 for an iPhone? Jobs caves and gives EMI variable pricing, and spins it by claiming an unprotected AAC file (no, they're not going to be .mp3 format) is a "premium" product.

Furthermore, differing file types and variable pricing will complicate the stark hand/glove simplicity of the iPod/iTunes ecosystem. Get ready to be iTunes customer support for all your technoramus friends and family. Fuck you, Apple.

Then today the EU smacks Apple with another antitrust suit, this time centered around price fixing with their major label bedfellows. Oh, and there's the little matter of a stock options probe...

Apple stock, already over $90/share, goes up $1.35. Who the fuck is buying it?

Could it be... Satan?

US Government Determined To Keep Nation's Safety, Mindset At 1982 Levels

It looks as though Disney's outwardly patriotic, Communist-hating facade, has finally fallen away as the government has identified the 1982 film Tron as a covert leak of security information.

All copies of the film are being recalled, so all plans by time travelling terrorists to go back to 1981, when the nuclear facility featured in the movie still existed and bomb it are in serious jeopardy. No word yet on if The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes will suffer the same fate, only to be reissued minus the 10-minute scene where Kurt Russell's lovable robot character explains how nuclear fission works.

Homeland Security Classifies TRON as "Sensitive"

All You Need Are Pan Flutes

Light Euphoric claim their music is "healing" - and yet their MySpace page crashed my browser. Thanks for killing my sweet game of online sudoku, buds.

And while I don't know if I can vouch for their healing qualities, what I do know is that if you took the word "Universe" out of their songs and added "Jesus," "God" or "Lord and Saviour," these dudes would be my mom's favorite band on earth.

myspace.com/lighteuphoric

Your Scene Sucks.

You snicker when you see them at Urban Outfitters and American Apparel, you speed up your "just browsing" when you see them at the thrift store, you grudgingly accept their presence at vegetarian restaurants, and above all else, you feel curmudgeonly and confused when they're at the same shows as you.

It's the cycle of life. The wheel of hipster dharma. The not-so-sad realization that you can't relate to these spry little douche piles, which in turn leads to the painful, ironically adult realization that they're the ones that will have to save (or not save) your bitter, wrinkled ass in the next 30-40 years, since by then your parents' generation will have long since bankrupted Social Security.

But there's a way out of this.

I propose we pool the oldster resources of our slightly gainful employment and develop cell phones that are powered by the kinetic energy generated by text messaging and mobile web navigation, and by the absorption of thermal energy from grubby little scenster hands.

The phones, of course, will connected only to a virtual internet inside Second Life. If you stop typing, your phone dies and you lose all of your (virtual) virtual assets like Myspace booty calls and Flickr accounts. Excess power generated by the phones will be sold back to the grid. Web 3.0: The Matrix, bitch.

All proceeds will then be invested in a blanket IRA account for anyone that's ever owned a Ned's Atomic Dustbin album.

www.yourscenesucks.com

WB Brings Reaping Marketing Push To New Level With Real Life Plagues

In what the red states will surely see as a judgement from God on y'all heathens in LaLa Land, a quick-moving brush fire has broken out by the WB offices in Burbank. WB is staying open as fire fighters try to extinguish the flames, encouraging their employees to stay low to the ground as they type.

Warner's marketing department, smitten with the power of achieving one miracle promoting the release from the increasingly choosy actress Hilary Swank announced that next week Century City can expect their water supply to turn to blood unless the film opens to at least 30 million.

LIVE: Brush Fire Burns In Hollywood Hills

Datarock Says Party Like It's 1993

The Nu-Rave craze
currently rocking Europe has brought back the 90's in all of its day-glo glory and one of the bands getting NME love along with the Klaxons and Shitdisco right now is the Norweigian band Datarock. They played the increasingly cool club Safari Sam's on Tuesday to a crowd, putting on a fantastic set full of dance-worthy tunes from their self titled album.

They're playing a sold out show with Scanners tonight at Spaceland, there are still a few tickets for sale at the door so be sure to get there early. The tour continues on for a few more dates, with more to be announced.

28.03, USA, Los Angeles, Spaceland
29.03, USA, San Francisco, Mezzanine
30.03, USA, Philadelphia, Pure
31.03, USA, Brooklyn, Studio B

Fa-Fa-Fa
Computer Camp Love

Datarock - official site

www.myspace.com/datarock