One way shit ticket to hell.

According to an announcement today, ticket holders for this year's Glastonbury festival will receive free rolls (yes, plural) of toilet paper.

When pressed on the issue of whether arming a few hundred thousand festival goers with multiple rolls of toilet paper was really a good idea, festival Co-Organizer, Michael Eavis, responded, "Initially, we wanted to hand out paper waste disposal bags and lighter fluid to everyone in attendance, but that was quickly vetoed by the headlining acts."

Artists confirmed to play include The Who, Bjork, Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, The Killers, and Lily Allen. Sheryl Crow has mysteriously dropped off the bill and could not be reached for comment.

http://www.nme.com/news/glastonbury/28204

Natalie Portman seeks venture capital to build soul-devouring website.

In a diabolical move to once and for all consume the life force of the entire male population of Earth, Natalie Portman is looking for funding to launch a "lifecast" site which features "a continuous video feed of her work and personal life."

In completely un-related news, I'm looking for funding to build a basement bunker with a computer, high speed internet connection, microwave, a lifetime supply of mac & cheese, and 50 cases of hand lotion.

I have dry skin.


http://valleywag.com/tech/exclusive/natalie-portmans-lifecast-258610.php