I was just having an off-the-cuff conversation about musicians and dating with my friend Matt (...from this handsome band). Mostly about how girls generally want to date musicians and then go bat shit crazy when they do. Being a musician myself, I prefer to date musicians because we both like a healthy amount of space and come from the same alien planet.
While chatting, I created a lovely little bullet list for Matt which he agreed with wholeheartedly. So, with his blessing, I present to you...
What happens when most girls date musicians:
1. He's in a band i love him!
2. OMG! He likes me I'm popular! I'm going to be side stage at all his shows!
3. Why are you at the studio all the time???! You never wanna hang out. [Insert sad face]
4. Why are you always on tour? You don't love me! You only want to hang out with the guys! [Insert guilt trip]
5. Are you cheating on me? (If you're really naggy, the answer is probably 'Yes.') Why didn't you answer your phone every hour on the hour for the past ten hours? I sent you 5,348 text messages, didn't you get them?!?!?!?! I thought you loved me!!!!! [Insert passive aggressive Facebook status updates like this]
6. Are you playing Coachella? [Insert strategic re-falling-in-love for festival season]
7. Your publicist is too friendly with you. Why is she so friendly. She needs to step off. I see how she always calls you all, "Oh, what time are you gonna show up for that interview" and stuff. Oh... you've known her since you were 12 and she's like a mom to you? Oh...Well...still.
8. What do you mean I can't come visit on your European tour?
9. (Repeat steps 3-5 100 times.)
10. I hate you bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Insert deleting you from every social network, her changing her hair color and randomly running into you at your next show dressed extra slutty.]
11. OMG! Check out [insert name of new boy] in [new shitty band]. I love him!
Now...
Here's what happens when a musician dates a musician:
(Obvs written from my female perspective. Dudes/gays adjust accordingly)
1. He's in a band I love him!
2. Telecaster? Really? Hmm. I would have gone with Strat but whatever...
3. He better like my songs or forget him.
4. You're in the studio? Cool, I'm recording.
5. You want me to come by the studio? Ok, maybe later when I'm done tracking.
6. Sorry, I can't hang out tonight, I have to go interview Beck. What. He's married, calm down.
7. Nice wall post from your crazy ex. Was she even 18? God.
8. I hate festivals too?! Let's go on a desert road trip and hang out with your stinky friends in that weird band who live in a camper.
10. You're going on tour? Cool, see you in a month.
11. You want me to come to the New York show? Alright, well, you better pay for my flight.
12. Do you have to call me so many times from the road? Yes, I understand you're in the bathroom of a strip club and that the guys dragged you there and you supposedly feel awkward being there but really, you don't have to call me to tell me. (This actually happened to me, no joke. A guy called me drunk from the bathroom of a strip club because he felt guilty his band mates took him there.)
13. Yes, my ex's band is in town but he's just a friend (True. Unless you've been scheisty, then "just a friend" is a term that can operate on a sliding scale.)
14. You want to play a show together? Neat!
The. Mother. F*n. End.
*Speaking of married bandmates, if you haven't seen this Arcade Fire performance from a freight elevator, I highly recommend.
xo
post by tatiana
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Make Bands, Not Babies.
Make bands, Not Babies.
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